Feelings in a job loss

    When I first found out that we weren't going to have a paycheck, I remember feeling completely panicked.  I was scared to death.  

  But as time went on, I also remember being so ANGRY at his old company, at the economy, at life in general.  I was so confused, and even embarrassed at our situation.  And I felt alone. 

But then talking to my husband, I realized that he was going through even more.  In the LDS culture where such an emphasis is placed on family, men are supposed to provide for their families.  Even when the wife works, our priority is often still the kids and home - not our jobs.  Men, however, their priority is financial security.  And as women, its something we expect and even need from our husbands. 

When they are unemployed or unable to provide financially for us, a major part of their identity is gone.  A level of doubt and unconfidence sneaks in.  And those two emotions are really hard to battle, especially when they are sending out resumes and facing rejection every day.  They feel the weight of the world on them.    

My husband is an entrepreneur - in addition to the full-time job he used to work, he had a startup company that relied heavily on the new home market which we all know has struggled in recent years.  I have always been VERY PROUD of his hard work and really supported him in his endeavors - despite the long hours and struggles over the years.  I am grateful that I felt so strongly about his business because it was easy to support him and share my belief in him when he doubted himself. 

I know that meant the world to him and it brought us together rather than pulling us apart.  It would have been easy to "jab" at him with negative, undermining comments or to pull away from him, but where would beating him over the head have gotten him or me or our family?  

  I am so very grateful for the amazing husband I have, for the person he is and for all he has done for our family.  He is my best friend, he is smart, he is funny, he is strong, he is amazing.  And I hope you always feel the same about your husband.  So ladies, I hope you are finding ways to rally and support your husbands.  Pump belief and confidence and faith into them.  Focus on buillding them up, focus on the good they have done, focus on their talents, strengths and positive traits that you fell in love with and that make him a valuable emplopyee. 

And remember, when you are scared or nervous or frustrated or worried, he is feeling every bit of those emotions and maybe even more.  Its all normal.  The key is to support each other, to talk to each other, to work together.  Be patient and stay strong.  Keep building your relationship by building each other.   Keep the long-term perspective and think of the eternity you will spend together.