The Store House

I remember that first time .... what a flood of emotions.  We had talked with our Bishop and decided it was time for us to get help from the Bishop's Storehouse.  It was hard to accept help, but after a lot of tears and discussion, my husband and I agreed.  The Relief Society President came to my house to meet with me.  She was very gracious and helpful and I felt her love for our family, but it was embarrassing and difficult to allow someone to see how down we were.  All our lives we are taught to be self-sufficient and serve others ... so accepting such a huge amount of help and admitting we couldn't do it on our own was literally painful.  It was very humbling but at the time I mostly felt embarrassed, nervous and I was overwhelmed.  I remember being very sad and feeling alone and isolated from others (because they can afford food and the things they need ... I no longer could).  And I remember feeling like a failure as a homemaker.

Before that first meeting I wondered what it would be like to meet with my relief society president and then to actual go to the Storehouse.   Different relief society presidents may handle it differently but here's my experience.  She came to my house and we talked for a few minutes about our situation.  I didn't have to tell her details since we had discussed things with our Bishop, but I tend to not be a private person so we talked about a lot of things.  I also (in my own way) didn't want her to judge me so I wanted her to know what was going on.  After we talked a bit, she got out a form.  The form lists the different items the Church can provide for us.  She let me fill in how many of the items I wanted.  When I shop, I think of the foods I want to make for dinner and then I make a list of ingredients in the recipe.  But with the storehouse list, it was almost backwards for me.  I had to look at the ingredients and figure out which recipes I could make from the items on the list.  For me, it made planning much harder.  And I chose to only go to the Storehouse once every 2 weeks so I needed to plan 2 weeks with foods that wouldn't go bad that first week.  Eventually, I figured out what dishes I could make and planned around that.  But that first time, I was overwhelmed.  I tried to get basics and a few extras to make sure I could do it all.  I also had to think about how it was all going to fit in my fridge and freezer.  When I finished marking the things I needed, my Relief Society Pres signed it and filled in a few other details.  My Bishop was out of town on business (he travels a lot) so he had already signed the form with our name on it.  She gave me the copies I needed for the Storehouse and gave me a hug then left.  I remember after she left that I cried.  I wanted to crawl back in bed and hide from the world and the challenges I was facing. 

I'm not sure how I pulled it together enough to go the storehouse a few days later because it was scary for me as well as embarrassing and overwhelming.  But I did it ... I wish I had known what it would be like.  Each Storehouse may be a little different, but this is how my afternoon unfolded... I went in the storehouse with my paper.  I walked up to the counter and gave them my paperwork.  The sister missionary (volunteer) took my paperwork and put it on a clipboard then handed it to another volunteer who would help me get the items.  The Storehouse looked like a grocery store - with shelves lined with items.  At our Storehouse, most of the volunteers are senior missionaries.  I didn't know that I needed to get a cart from outside, so I had to go back and get one.  The missionary and I walked around the storehouse and she told me to pull the items off the shelf as we came to each item.  She gave me some bags and some boxes when we started so I loaded my cart.  She marked on the form what I had gotten (so they can make sure I got what my Bishop and R.S Pres had signed off on).  For my family, it filled my cart more than I expected.  At the end, she had me sign that I had gotten the food items and then I took it outside to load it in my car.  I remember hoping I'd be able to hold it together and not cry while I was in there.  I managed but I cried all the way home.   

Sidenote:  If you live far away from your storehouse, you may want to bring a cooler to load the cold and frozen items into.

Over time, it did become easier.  I watched others as I was at the storehouse and I realized I wasn't alone in my challenges and even realized that probably there were others worse off than me.  I looked into their faces and I knew that I wasn't along in the way I felt ... the sadness, feeling alone and the nervousness all faded, with time.  I began to understand that others weren't looking at me and judging me.  I felt more humble and so blessed to belong to a Church with a welfare program in place.  I was reminded that the church programs are there to bless us ...both when we give and when we receive.  But more importantly, as my understanding of the Atonement grew, the challenge became easier.  I often felt the atonement was about Christ dying so I could be forgiven of my sins ... but it is so much more than that. Christ died for every one of my pains, insecurities and every bit of suffering, and He is there for me in all things.