They love you but they may not get it!

One of the hardest things for me was how alone I felt.  I didn't always feel supported by my friends and I often felt sorry for myself.  When I spent time with my friends I found myself angry at how frivolous their lives seemed.  My friends would talk about their vacations, their new cars, remodeling plans, nice gifts their husbands bought them or they bought others, their newhome decorations and new dishes and more.  I felt it was insensitive and shallow to talk about it in front of me when they knew my husband was out of work. 

Keep in mind, I LOVE my friends ... these are people I have been close to for many years.  They are my neighbors, members of my ward.  We have raised our children together and their children are my children's best friends.  We celebrate holidays and families with these families, we share traditions that my children will cherish all their lives.... they love me and my family like their own family.  They are like family to us.... but they were continuing to live their lives like normal while I had had to cut out all our extras and even some of what our friends considered needs.  I resented that, I was jealous. 

I remember one particular time near Christmas.  I was at a point where I was wondering if we would have any money to go shopping for gifts for our children.  I was hoping for maybe $100 per child and was planning on nothing for myself or my husband.  And as we hung out with our friends some were talking about spending several hundred dollars on new Christmas decorations.  Another talked about the "big gifts" for her kids - one of the gifts was more expensive than what I was hoping my entire budget would be.  Another was complaining about HAVING to go to the store because they are so crowded.  I remember staying very quiet during the conversation because I was afraid that I would either cry if I said anything or sound very cynnical and resentful. I left the gathering a bit early and went home and cried because I so badly wanted to be ABLE to go shopping at a store and I just wasn't sure how to help my small children understand why Santa brought their friends big gifts and next to nothing for them.  Don't get me wrong, my kids would still get presents from family because we were blessed in that way, but it is HARD as a mom to not be able to shop for your kids. 

I had a hard time being with the people who I should have been turning to in my time of need.  I felt like I no longer fit in because I couldn't afford to do the things we used to do together.  It made me doubt if they cared about me.  I felt angry and depressed at times and sorry for myself.  And deep down I wanted them to feel sorry for me too.  I was in a dark place. 

When I complained that they just didn't understand, my husband asked me if I wanted them to be in my shoes.  NO!!  Definitely not.  He reminded me that they still love me.  He reminded me that they haven't changed, me and my circumstances had.  I had grown due to the challenge in my life and I recognized that things didn't matter as much but I also recognized that I had probably MANY times been equally unsensitive to others.  Hindsight, I wish I had stopped feeling sorry for myself, talked more with my friends one on one, invited friends over for lunches planned game or movie nights with other couples, ... reached out in ways I could instead of sulking and resenting some of the people I love and who love me the most.  I wish I had prayed for peace and ways to feel included instead of pulling away and feeling depressed and resentful. 

Strengthen your relationships with family and uplifting friends, friends who matter, because you need them.  Find positive people to be with who will love and lift you.  But its also ok to reach out to others who share circumstances with you.  Build friendships with people who can understand where you are and lift each other.  But remember that even if people don't understand your circumstances, most of them still love you and have your best interest at heart - as I know my friends did.