My husband's company lost their investor and while they searched for a new one, he went without pay for 3 months. When he first told me there would be no paycheck that week (and the future was indefinite) he asked me to "be strong". So, that's the face I put on for him ... but inside I was crumbling. It was a tough 3 months. Toward the end of the 3 months, our Bishop recommended a book to us. It saved us and made us a stronger, happier couple than we had ever been.
The book is called "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Harley, and can be bought at many bookstores. I recently saw it at Deseret Book too - along with some other books by the same author (he is not an LDS author but he believes in family and marriage like the LDS Church does). It discusses the basic human needs and talks about how women tend to need different things than men. It also explains that even though we try to meet what we THINK are the needs of others (based on what we personally value), often we are completely failing at meeting THEIR needs. I think the concept is similar to understanding love languages and personality types, but it takes it a little deeper than just that. It helped me understand the needs rather than just how to talk to or interact with him. It helped me understand what the driving forces are behind my husband (and myself). I really recommend reading the book with your spouse if they will. I actually read most of it outloud to my husband but once we got started on the book, he recognized the importance of it and also helped by reading it.
Another concept he explores is a "Love Bank". Essentially, in your mind (bank), each person in your life has an "account". The interactions you have with them either make withdrawals or deposits in that account. If the person is meeting your needs and making you feel good, the account gets deposits and you will want to be near that person, and hopefully also make "deposits" in your account in their mind. However, if the person is negative, not meeting your needs, or the source of tension in your life, he is constantly taking withdrawals and/or even has a negative balance which causes you to tend to avoid that person and or lash out in negative ways at them. This applies to family, friends, co-workers etc.
I truly recommend this book to everyone in a marriage. It will help build your marriage, strengthening it and making it a happier, more successful relationship ... one that is more likely to withstand financial as well as other trials that may come your way.
I concur, this book is a must read for every couple who face any type of challenge, at any time, in any place. I bought the book, read it, and gave copies to my sisters. I am learning to understand my spouse better and am continually learning to communicate my needs. Highly recommended reading.
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